im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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