If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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