i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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