i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
