Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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