did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
