ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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