The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
