I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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