for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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