I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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