pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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