i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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