I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize