The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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