The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
