oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
