So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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