Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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