Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
