only if we run a train.
done.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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