One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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