He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
