The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
