a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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