Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
