I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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