All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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