I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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