Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
