so let's talk penis.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
