If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
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