If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
