Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
