Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
