She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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