Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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