Jerry, you need to find god
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
