remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
