I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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