"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
