I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i came on her dog
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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