What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
