eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
