sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
