Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
