drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize