how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
