that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
