i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
