if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
