I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize