i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize