I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
