there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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