I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
