is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
