I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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