oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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