phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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