He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
