I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
