Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize