The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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