Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
