no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
