I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
