his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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