never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
