Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
