she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize