I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Randomize
