you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
